who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm passing your future prison.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
