Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
