get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize