you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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