Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
