She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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