i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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