I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize