Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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