when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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