Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
