hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
