Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
