is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
