i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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