Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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