After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
