So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
