worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
