My room smells like vodka and shame
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
