Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
