broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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