You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think my fart just growled at me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
