Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
