Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
