So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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