Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
