you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
