Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
