all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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