Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
