I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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