i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
