I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
