I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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