Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
