seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
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Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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