sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just had sex on a roof
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
