seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
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Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either