a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
