i don't like sucking hair
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
