nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
