We won't sleep together?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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