so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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