oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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