Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize