69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We are two peas in an std pod
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
