Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations

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(217): View more from Illinois

Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested

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(201): View more from New Jersey

There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.

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(845): View more from New York

Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way

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(410): View more from Maryland

Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.

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(818): View more from California

I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol

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(513): View more from Ohio

How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.

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(206): View more from Washington

SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG

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