But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I haven't been this sober since birth.
please come you make the beer taste better
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
