It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
