Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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