Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
