big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize