I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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