i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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