Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we're making bets on your personal life
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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