I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
