Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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