why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i think my mom watched the whole time
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
