My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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