we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
