honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
