He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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