Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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