So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You can't special order awesome
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
