I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
