Pants 0. Shit 1.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
