yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
