hotel room ftw
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
