one two three fourrrrnication!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
