The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
