After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
