Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
