I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
