He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
