I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
