At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
