you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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