you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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