sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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