we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
